Conscious Transformations Moment

The old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” couldn’t be further from the truth. Words can hurt you for years to come whereas broken bones typically heal within 6 weeks.

When I was in elementary school, one of my favorite assignments was writing jingles. I remember it clearly, decades later. It was such fun to create those limericks; I think I enjoyed it so much that I created a new poem every day for about 6 months, just because I could. Do you remember something that brought you a similar amount of joy?

Unfortunately sometime during the 11th grade, my teacher, Mr. Elliott, told me I had no talent as a writer. He was a young man new to teaching at the time and I was a young girl terribly in need of validation. I don’t remember his exact words but do remember how the fear of being further criticized squashed my confidence and destroyed the joy I felt when writing.

It all seems a bit dramatic in retrospect, but that’s how limiting beliefs are formed. The belief might result from a comment made just once by someone that you believe knows the truth about you. It gets stored in your subconscious, which wants to protect you from further pain. Each time something comes up that could be close to what happened when you are young, your subconscious springs into action and holds you back.

Over the years the limerick writer in me came out of hiding at least three times to create satirical poems for family events; those poems were fun to write and felt inspired, as if the right phrase just came out of the blue. But yet, the words proclaimed by Mr. Elliott still subconsciously haunted me.

That is, until last month at a family wedding, when a young friend of the bride and groom asked me what I did for a living. Without giving a moment’s thought, I said “I’m a writer.” Then immediately my brain reacted, whispering to me “What are you thinking? You should have told him you surf the net and play on Facebook all day. Anything but a writer! You can’t claim that you are a writer (because after all, you have no talent, Mr. Elliott said so).” That part in parentheses was not thought consciously at the time, but is a subconscious belief that has been lurking for 4 decades. In fact, it wasn’t until later when I examined that whole interaction that I was able to come up with the 11th grade teacher’s name.

How can something said so many years ago, still be affecting my joy?

Can you relate? Has your life been affected by innocent words that weren’t meant to hurt you? That perhaps you also took personally because of a fear of being rejected, unloved, or unworthy.

Many of my clients have similar stories in their lives. In a 2009 survey, I found that many women who were overweight as children remember one random derogatory statement made to them in regards to their weight or body image. That comment and its negative effects on self-esteem subconsciously influenced their behavior from that point forward, just as Mr. Elliott’s comment affected me.

Meanwhile, now that I’ve been given the gift of seeing my limiting belief about my writing ability for what it is, I’ve decided to move beyond it. I enrolled in a non-fiction writing course and just completed my first assignment. I had so much fun writing the piece that I know without a doubt that I will learn from my professor and classmate critiques without allowing their comments to affect me personally. I want to become a better writer; I want to write; I’m ready to proclaim that I am a writer, without worrying that my readers will discover that I have no talent for writing. Hey, did you know – I AM a writer!

You, too, can find and release beliefs that no longer serve you, but are hidden in your subconscious. Follow the same steps that I took:

1. Listen for the words of criticism that you say to yourself; those words are the clues that will lead you to the belief.
2. Examine the belief to see if it is valid. Most likely it’s silly, just like mine.
3. Look at how you’ve allowed that belief to negatively impact your life in the past.
4. If you are ready to release it, just decide to no longer believe it. Energetically release it by writing it on a piece of paper and burning it, seeing it seep out of your body, or using an energy technique like Psych K. Then, choose a new belief to take it’s place.
5. Reinforce your new belief through the use of affirmations and visualization.

It’s our divine right to live our BEST life with joy and vigor. Don’t let your limiting beliefs keep you from making the most of your talents and gifts.

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Words with weight

Raising healthy, happy children with nurturing words

 By Janette Andrews

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”

Remember this familiar playground chant? It may be a popular saying, but how true is it?

Words play an essential part in the development of children, particularly in how they view their bodies and self-worth.

As parents, the words we use to describe our children – at any given moment ­– have the power to shape their thoughts, habits and, ultimately, health. Even seemingly meaningless comments parents say to their children or to others in the presence of their children can have a lasting effect.

Your words can equip your child with self-confidence and self-value or adversely affect their self-image and health.

Are you aware of the weight of your words?

Please pass the butter

As a young child, I can recall few moments of closeness with my grandfather. He wasn’t a bad guy – he was a hard worker, a joker, and the head of a very large family. But bonding wasn’t his thing. He didn’t take me out for ice cream on sunny, summer days; he didn’t teach me the handy world of his toolbox. In fact, there were very few times when the two of us were alone together, and even fewer times when I felt I had his undivided attention.

While I do have fond memories of my grandpa, unfortunately, not all of them are positive.

Growing up with an older sister, I was the “chubby” member of the sibling duo. My sister was naturally skinny, and ate whatever she wanted without leaving any trace of what my mother called “baby fat.”

One day, as we were all sitting in my grandparents’ dining room eating lunch, my sister reached for the tub of butter and spread a knife-full over a piece of bread. My grandpa laughed and said, “She can afford the butter.” Then, nudging his head in my direction, “She can’t.”

His words stung. I remember wondering, “Why did he say that? I wasn’t even using the butter.” As I reflect on it now, I see how, over the years, his comment subconsciously caused me to feel as if I didn’t deserve to eat or enjoy food the same way my sister could.

Lasting words

It seems silly to become so upset over a trite comment made so many years ago – one that I’m sure meant nothing to my grandpa. But even now, it brings up issues of guilt, self-worth and resentment. It turns out, I’m not alone.

A 2009 survey done by Pat Altvater, author and creator of the Women Outsmarting Weight™ system, found that many women who were overweight as children remember one random derogatory statement made to them in regards to their weight or body image. “That comment and its negative effects on self-esteem may subconsciously influence their behavior forever,” says Altvater. Her upcoming book, Mamas, Don’t Let Your Children Grow Up to Be Dieters, teaches families how to nurture their children physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually so they grow into adults that know how to be healthy and live balanced lives.  Altvater says “Every word you speak as a parent plays an important role in how you nurture your child.”

Susie, one of the women in Altvater’s study, was ten years old when, on a family trip, her father drove past a truck weigh station and said, “Maybe we should stop and weigh Susie here.” While in therapy, in her twenties, Susie confronted her dad about it and he didn’t even remember saying it. Yet, thirty years after the incident, Susie still cried when recalling the comment.

Why did this one statement have such an effect on Susie? Altvater explains, “That one statement affected her self-esteem deeply and continues to do so because her father was emotionally unavailable to her as a child. She didn’t feel a nurturing or loving connection between the two of them. Today, she is a very beautiful, average size 14 adult, but perceives herself as unacceptable looking.”

A nurturing home, a safe haven

Parents play an important role in our children’s lives. We are responsible for nurturing our children and providing a loving and safe environment. When children feel their parents don’t accept them for who they are, their feelings of self-worth are diminished.

In her book Underage and Overweight, Frances M. Berg, M.S., L.N, says, “For some children, fat oppression, teasing and ridicule comes from inside the family circle, so there is no escape from tormentors.”

What happens when a child – especially one who is overweight – has no safe haven, even in their own home?

Altvater says “Parents or grandparents judgmental comments, even when made in jest, deeply affect children unless there is also plenty of love and nurturing given to the child from that same person, which is typically not the case.  The belief that they are being judged by how their body looks leads to thought patterns and behaviors that, in most cases, adversely affect their weight as an adult.”

As a parent, you have the power to equip your child with the tools of self-confidence and self-value.  “When children have a strong family support system built on unconditional love and nurturing, they are more likely to value themselves,” explains Altvater. “Issues, such as body weight, can be addressed head on as a challenge to be faced and overcome, with no judgment attached to it.  When this is done, children are more likely to incorporate self-empowering traditions, such as healthy eating and regular exercise.”

Positive word power

In Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children, Sylvia Rimm, Ph.D. teaches parents that their emotional support must be strong enough to compete with the criticisms of the outside world. She explains, “Overweight children may already be bombarded by…nasty talk from others. [Parents’] positive descriptions have to be convincing enough so they can let others’ negative comments deflect off them.”

Here are just a few ways to show your unconditional love for your child through your words:

1. Emphasize your child’s positive traits.

“Because children who don’t have control over their eating often feel like failures in many ways, it’s good to begin an empowering conversation by pointing out a child’s strengths. Qualities such as kindness and consideration…may encourage children to realize their capabilities,” explains Rimm.

2. Focus on health at every size.

“The goal of healthy children of all sizes is supported when they receive consistent messages of encouragement to live actively, eat well, and feel good about themselves and others,” says Berg. “When these positive messages come from those important to them…then weight and eating problems diminish or are prevented.”

3. Openly discuss the importance of health to your family.

Altvater says, “If a pediatrician suggests your child is heavy, addressing it directly in an open and loving manner is a positive approach.  First, let your child know that your concern is for their health and that your love for them is not based on their appearance.  Then, present the issue as just a challenge for the child to overcome.  Allowing them to make choices among strategies to implement ultimately helps the child develop self-discipline and enhances their self-esteem.”

Your words have the ability to build a strong sense of self-confidence and self-love within your children. By being conscious of words, parents can instill in their children the belief that they deserve and are capable of creating a life of health and happiness.

Have you noticed your state of being lately?  Are you happy, healthy, financially free, and peaceful, or are you sad, depressed, financially strapped or angry?  Have you even noticed your state of being?

Most people are so busy with the “doing” of their life that they don’t even give their state of being a second thought.  However, when you consciously choose your being, you can create a life that leaves you feeling blessed.

Choosing your being is just like incorporating a value into your life.  First, you consciously choose it.  Consciously – that means you have to give it some thought!  For example, let’s say you choose to be healthy.  Then you look at why this is important to you.  If you lived the rest of your life in the state of being healthy what would that mean to you?  Is there something about being healthy that you believe is significant to the quality of your life?  For example, I might choose to be healthy so I can live a long life and have fun actively playing with my grandchildren.  If you don’t have a compelling reason for your choice of being, it will be difficult for you consistently act upon your choice.  That is the third component of this process – making decisions and taking action based upon what you’ve chosen.  YIKES – that means you have to be conscious again!   No more mindless eating. 

Most diet programs start with doing (actions) without choosing a state of  being first.  This never works because you can only will yourself to do something for so long before the pendulum swings back the other way.   You’ve seen this in action, haven’t you?

However, when you choose your state of being, you are motivated to take new and different actions from an entirely different state than willpower.  Before you know it, those new actions will be incorporated into your life in a way that will be so important to you that you won’t be willing to give them up.  That’s when permanent change happens.

2010 has arrived and with it comes an opportunity to start fresh.  Many people view 2009 as one of the most difficult years they’ve experienced and are looking forward to something different in 2010.  However, to truly manifest different results in 2010, it takes more than just opening the calendar to January. 

Have you given thought to what you want to achieve in 2010?  Most people set goals for the year – maybe goals related to money, number of clients/customers, weight or health, relationships or anything else in your life.  Have you done this yet?

Once you have decided upon your intentions for 2010, spend some time visualizing your life exactly as you would like it; what would that look like?  What would you be doing?  Who would you be with?  How would you feel?

Finally, it’s important for you to release your dreams and goals and just BE a person who already has what you want. 

Who do you want to BE?

Truly, choosing your being, that comes from your intentions and goals, is the first part and then the steps to take to have what you want, show up as the result of your consistently being what you’ve chosen.  So choose now, who you want to BE for 2010 and once you do, you’ll see the inspired ideas will come to you.  Many of us decide on a goal and then we start to force it.  We think, think, think, of how to accomplish it, then we worry, worry, worry that it won’t be possible, instead of allowing the ideas to be presented to us.  Basically, we must detach from the outcome.

Detaching means to not focus on the HOW and WHEN of your dreams.  Once you commit to your intentions, New Years resolutions, or goals and dreams, your subconscious mind and the Universe go to work figuring out the HOW for you.  Too many of us get caught up in thinking we can’t achieve something really, really big because we can’t see the HOW we are going to make it happen.  Detach from that; don’t even think about it.  Just commit to your dream, take inspired actions every day (you must take action or nothing will change) and your dream will unfold in the most amazing ways and ultimately you will HAVE what you desired.