Finding JOY again!

The old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” couldn’t be further from the truth. Words can hurt you for years to come whereas broken bones typically heal within 6 weeks.

When I was in elementary school, one of my favorite assignments was writing jingles. I remember it clearly, decades later. It was such fun to create those limericks; I think I enjoyed it so much that I created a new poem every day for about 6 months, just because I could. Do you remember something that brought you a similar amount of joy?

Unfortunately sometime during the 11th grade, my teacher, Mr. Elliott, told me I had no talent as a writer. He was a young man new to teaching at the time and I was a young girl terribly in need of validation. I don’t remember his exact words but do remember how the fear of being further criticized squashed my confidence and destroyed the joy I felt when writing.

It all seems a bit dramatic in retrospect, but that’s how limiting beliefs are formed. The belief might result from a comment made just once by someone that you believe knows the truth about you. It gets stored in your subconscious, which wants to protect you from further pain. Each time something comes up that could be close to what happened when you are young, your subconscious springs into action and holds you back.

Over the years the limerick writer in me came out of hiding at least three times to create satirical poems for family events; those poems were fun to write and felt inspired, as if the right phrase just came out of the blue. But yet, the words proclaimed by Mr. Elliott still subconsciously haunted me.

That is, until last month at a family wedding, when a young friend of the bride and groom asked me what I did for a living. Without giving a moment’s thought, I said “I’m a writer.” Then immediately my brain reacted, whispering to me “What are you thinking? You should have told him you surf the net and play on Facebook all day. Anything but a writer! You can’t claim that you are a writer (because after all, you have no talent, Mr. Elliott said so).” That part in parentheses was not thought consciously at the time, but is a subconscious belief that has been lurking for 4 decades. In fact, it wasn’t until later when I examined that whole interaction that I was able to come up with the 11th grade teacher’s name.

How can something said so many years ago, still be affecting my joy?

Can you relate? Has your life been affected by innocent words that weren’t meant to hurt you? That perhaps you also took personally because of a fear of being rejected, unloved, or unworthy.

Many of my clients have similar stories in their lives. In a 2009 survey, I found that many women who were overweight as children remember one random derogatory statement made to them in regards to their weight or body image. That comment and its negative effects on self-esteem subconsciously influenced their behavior from that point forward, just as Mr. Elliott’s comment affected me.

Meanwhile, now that I’ve been given the gift of seeing my limiting belief about my writing ability for what it is, I’ve decided to move beyond it. I enrolled in a non-fiction writing course and just completed my first assignment. I had so much fun writing the piece that I know without a doubt that I will learn from my professor and classmate critiques without allowing their comments to affect me personally. I want to become a better writer; I want to write; I’m ready to proclaim that I am a writer, without worrying that my readers will discover that I have no talent for writing. Hey, did you know – I AM a writer!

You, too, can find and release beliefs that no longer serve you, but are hidden in your subconscious. Follow the same steps that I took:

1. Listen for the words of criticism that you say to yourself; those words are the clues that will lead you to the belief.
2. Examine the belief to see if it is valid. Most likely it’s silly, just like mine.
3. Look at how you’ve allowed that belief to negatively impact your life in the past.
4. If you are ready to release it, just decide to no longer believe it. Energetically release it by writing it on a piece of paper and burning it, seeing it seep out of your body, or using an energy technique like Psych K. Then, choose a new belief to take it’s place.
5. Reinforce your new belief through the use of affirmations and visualization.

It’s our divine right to live our BEST life with joy and vigor. Don’t let your limiting beliefs keep you from making the most of your talents and gifts.